


Take a Sad Song and Make it Better

by blackrose_17



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotionally Hurt Sam, Hurt Sam, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lucifer Wants Sam to Say Yes, M/M, Sam Feels Like he has Failed Dean, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 13:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11669811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose_17/pseuds/blackrose_17
Summary: Sam will do anything to be free of Lucifer, anything.Dean comes back from the Endverse refusing to let that happen.Heaven and Hell's attempt to break them apart will only make them stronger once Dean finds Sam.





	Take a Sad Song and Make it Better

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Wincest Writing Challenge July for the prompt Breaking a Mirror I had no clue where this came from.

Sam could feel it coursing down his throat and he wanted nothing more than to spit it back into their faces but he couldn't, not when they had a hostage Sam already had enough blood on his hands he couldn't have anymore. So he did what he vowed never to do since he saw the disgust and hate in Dean's eyes he swallowed down the demon blood and for the first time since Dean left his side he was thankful that Dean wasn't around to see this.

 

* * *

 

The door to his motel room slammed behind him and Sam barely remembered to lock it, not that it would do any good it was a pathetic lock that anyone could break but it was all he could afford.

No Sam only had one thought in mind he needed to get the taste of blood out of his mouth, he couldn't go back down that path not when it had already cost him Dean's trust and Dean himself, the one thing that he can't live without. He had tried and even when he was with Jess, she had seen it that he wasn't whole there were times that he would drift off and stare into space lost in his memories of his days with his dad and Dean.  

Still, that had been only a taste of what was to come.

Sam had lived through Loki's six months of torture where he had lived his worst fear over and over again being unable to save Dean. Surviving through Loki six months of horror had done nothing to easy or prepared him for the pain of watching Dean’s soul being dragged to hell. He had fallen for Ruby's pretty lies that he could use his powers and destroy those who had taken Dean from him. He hadn't told her that she would be on that list once he had learned all he could from her and Lilith was dead at his feet then he would seek out and join Dean wherever his soul had ended up.

He was a broken mess without Dean by his side and only becoming worse with Lucifer haunting him and taunting him. Dean would never come back to him and Sam couldn't blame him.

But he didn't blame Dean for wanting nothing to do with him, he was worse than the monsters they hunted after all one of the biggest ones sought him out seeing how alike they were.  Just the thought of Lucifer seeking him out again was enough to make him sick.

"I'm sorry Dean, I hope someday you can forgive me," Sam whispered his deepest wish.

 

* * *

 

_"You can't lie to me Sam, I bet it tasted good."_

_Oh,_ _how Sam wished that he could wake up but he knew Lucifer and knew that he would not allow him to until he was done and all Sam wanted anything to be given a moment's rest from Lucifer visits._

_"I know you, Sam. You can lie to yourself and claim that you hated the taste of it but I know the truth." Lucifer sing song as he taunted Sam. "You loved the feel of it going down your throat, knowing that once again you would soon have the power back and be able to put those hunters on their knees. You love the idea of being Azazel's boy king and no matter how you tried to hide it Dean saw that and that is why he walked away from you wanting to do nothing with you."_

_That ripped Sam apart he didn't want to believe that it was true._

"NOOO!"

Sam shot up in bed his heart breaking he didn't want to believe what Lucifer had whispered, he was the prince of lies but he couldn't deny that a part of him feared it was true that Dean didn't want anything to see him again.

"One night of peace that is all I ask." Sam didn't know who he was pleading with he had been shown that the angels, those he had believed in all his life, he was nothing more than an abomination and nothing would change that.

"The world, not to mention Dean, would be better off without me in it." Sam knew this was true and there was no denying it, he was as useless as the angels and the other hunters saw him.

Forcing himself to move Sam stumbled into the bathroom where he found himself face to face with himself as he looked in the mirror, he could hardly recognize himself anymore. "I'm a monster." Lifting his fist up Sam smashed his hand against the mirror and wasn't surprised when the glass broke beneath his fist and Sam found himself entranced by the glass and soon had a piece in his hand, he didn’t even flinch when the sharp edge sliced open his finger and he watched as blood began to pour from it.

"I could do the world a favor by taking myself out of it. I doubt anyone would be missing me. Everyone would be better off without me, especially Dean." Sam wasn't a fool he knew that he wouldn't be missed and the only ones who might have missed him well they hated him now.

“Maybe I will find dad, mom, and Jess while I wait for you to join me, Dean. That is if the vessel of Lucifer is allowed in heaven.” At this point, Sam didn’t care where his soul ended up he just wanted to be free from all the pain. “I hope that you can forgive me someday Dean,” Sam whispered out as he brought the glass to his wrist.

 

* * *

 

Dean Winchester had it all planned out to keep the world safe he had to stay away from his little brother, his whole world no matter how much it ripped him apart to do so. Dean wanted nothing more than to say screw it and pull Sam back into his arms where he belonged but he couldn’t. Oh he still carried rage in his heart over Sam choosing a hell skank over him still lived within him and he saw red every time he thought about it. But laying the blame of Lucifer’s release at solely at Sam’s feet was unfair after all he had broken the first seal in hell and the angels had proven that they had longed for this war just as much as the demons had. _‘And then there is the whole panic door opening we still don’t how that opened.’_ Dean wouldn’t say it out loud but he had his suspicions as to who let out Sam.

But right now none of that mattered not after the future he had just seen. Seeing Sam used as the vessel to Lucifer, helpless to do anything to save him, he might not have heard Sam but he was sure that Sam was inside of Lucifer screaming, begging to be freed. He had no doubt that Lucifer had made Sam watch everything he had done with his hands.

He had told Sam they were weaker when they were together and it had been proven a lie, they were stronger together and it made Dean wonder if that isn’t why both heaven and hell did their best to break them apart and he had seen what happened, he had seen the outcome of them being apart and it chilled Dean to his soul to see his little brother gone and being used by Lucifer, it wasn’t the fate that Dean wanted for his brother. “I will be damned if I let that fate become my Sammy’s fate.” He needed to find Sam.

 

* * *

 

“Son of a bitch, where the hell are you Sammy?” Dean snarled out as he tossed his cell to the side as he once again got Sam’s voice mail and he was getting damn tired of that. He wanted to know where his Sam was, he wouldn’t say it out loud but he was getting worried at every call that went unanswered this wasn’t like Sam, usually he picked his phone up the moment he saw it was Dean calling or called him back as soon as he was able. No every part of him was screaming that something was wrong with Sam and Dean needed to find him now.

His phone rang and Dean didn’t even bother to look at the id. “Sammy?”

“Sorry son, but I think I have found him.” Bobby’s voice came over the line.

A sigh of pure relief escaped Dean’s lips as he scrambled to find a pen and paper, pulling off the pen cap with his teeth Dean positioned the phone between his ear and neck. “Where is he, Bobby?” Dean wasted no time in jotting down the address Bobby gave him. “Thanks, Bobby.”

Bobby could hear the pure relief in Dean’s tone. “Just bring him here once you’ve found him, I think the two of you need some place where you can heal without having to worry about being hunted.”

“I will,” Dean promised.

 

* * *

 

Dean hated the placed the moment he laid his eyes on the rundown motel, it was without a doubt one of the worst places either of them had ever stayed in. “Sammy, what made you chose this place?” Dean couldn’t hide the disgust in his voice as he entered the front desk to find it empty and the place showing it was in desperate need of repairs, finding the name that Bobby had told him Sam was using he quickly located the room Sam was staying in. “I’m coming baby boy and I hope you can forgive me.”

 

* * *

 

Dean knew that something was off the moment he opened the door, and really the lock was pathetic he was surprised it didn’t break off in his hand.

“Sammy? Baby boy, are you here?” Dean called out as he closed the door behind him. And froze he could feel it something he only felt once around Sam and that was the icy chill of death. “Sammy, you answer me right this moment!” Dean snarled out his fear starting to take a hold of him.

It only grew as he heard mumbling.

“No, not real just another trick of his,” Sam mumbled under his breath as he covered his ears. “You won’t fool me, Dean won’t come for me.”

As Dean’s eyes settled on Sam he felt his cracked heart fracture completely at the sight of his strong brother curled up in a small ball. “Sam, this isn’t a trick.” Dean took a step closer to Sam only to stop as Sam’s pleading eyes met his.

“No, it won’t work Lucifer. I can’t understand why won’t you let me die?” Sam sounded so broken. “I will never say yes, not as long as Dean is out there somewhere. I won’t let you hurt him.” Sam’s voice wavered but Dean could hear the conviction in his voice.

Dean didn’t think his world could be rocked anymore until he heard Lucifer fall from Sam’s lips and the fact that Lucifer had already begun seeking out Sam was his nightmare come true. “I’m not that son of a bitch Sammy. It is me Dean and I never letting you out of my sight again.”

Sam reminded him of when he was a child and he refused to go back to sleep after a nightmare and there was one thing Dean could do to soothe his fears.

_Hey, Jude, don't make it bad_  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better  
  
Hey, Jude, don't be afraid  
You were made to go out and get her  
The minute you let her under your skin  
Then you begin to make it better  
  
And anytime you feel the pain,  
Hey, Jude, refrain  
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders  
For well you know that it's a fool  
Who plays it cool  
By making his world a little colder  
  
Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah nah  
  
Hey, Jude, don't let me down  
You have found her, now go and get her  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better  
  
So let it out and let it in,  
Hey, Jude, begin  
You're waiting for someone to perform with  
And don't you know that it's just you,  
Hey, Jude, you'll do  
The movement you need is on your shoulder  
  
Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah nah yeah  
  
Hey, Jude, don't make it bad  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her under your skin  
Then you'll begin to make it better, better, better, better, better... oh!  
  
Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah,  
Hey, Jude  
Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah,  
Hey, Jude

Sam knew that it was Dean the moment he started signing that was the one thing Lucifer had never done when he was doing his best to get Sam to say yes. Letting out a sob Sam flung himself into Dean’s arms. “Dee, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve done everything to get him to leave me alone but he won’t. I’ve killed myself over and over but he keeps bringing me back.” Sam babbled out as he clung to Dean, needing to hear that Dean forgave him.

“Oh god, Sammy.” Dean could feel himself choking up as he heard Sam admitting that he had tried to kill himself that was the last thing that he ever wanted from Sam. “I’m here Sam and I never letting you go again. If that bastard Lucifer wants you he will have to get past me first, you are mine Sammy, my baby boy and I do not share you with anyone.” Tilting Sam’s head up so he could see the truth and promise in his eyes Dean pressed his lips against Sam’s in a deep soul binding kiss. Sam was his soulmate and he was done letting heaven and hell trying to separate them. They were about to learn why you didn’t want a Winchester as an enemy.


End file.
